The other day, a woman told me, “You intimidate me because of your confidence - everything seems so easy for you.” I laughed and thought to myself "If only she knew."
What she didn’t see were the failures that built me. She didn’t see the businesses I lost, the career I had to restart from scratch, or the moments I sat in my car, questioning if I could hold it all together as a mother, sister, wife, and daughter. She didn’t see the heartbreak of divorce or the nights I lay awake wondering, What now?
She definitely didn’t see the moments I fell to my knees, crying and praying, begging God to get me through. I’ve had nights where I whispered, I don’t know how to do this. I’ve had mornings where the only thing that got me out of bed was faith that somehow, someway, I’d figure it out.
Nothing has ever been easy for me. Confidence didn’t come from winning - it came from getting back up again and again when I lost. Every failure gave me experience. Every setback built resilience. Every time I tried one more time, I proved to myself that I could.
And you know what? I still have days when I need to encourage myself to get back up. I know I’m not done failing. There will be more setbacks, more disappointments, more moments when I feel like I just don’t have it in me. But confidence isn’t about never falling - it’s about refusing to stay down.
The Confidence Trap: Measuring Worth by Wins
Society often ties confidence to success. We’re taught that the more we achieve, the more worthy we are. But what happens when we lose? What happens when things don’t go as planned, when we fail, or when we feel stuck? If our confidence is built only on winning, it crumbles the moment we fall short.
Real confidence isn’t about never failing. It’s about how you carry yourself when you do.
Winning and Losing with the Same Energy
Think about the most successful, inspiring people in the world. They didn’t get there by winning every time. They got there by failing, learning, and trying again - without questioning their worth.
A confident person walks into a room with the same energy whether they’re celebrating a victory or recovering from a setback. Why? Because their belief in themselves isn’t tied to the outcome. They know their value isn’t determined by one moment, one failure, or one success.
How to Build Confidence That Lasts
Detach Worth from Achievement
You are not just the sum of your wins. Your worth exists whether you succeed or fail. Repeat that to yourself daily.
Embrace Failure as a Tool
Every loss teaches you something. Confidence comes from seeing setbacks as lessons rather than proof of inadequacy.
Practice Showing Up
Confidence is built through action. Keep showing up for yourself, even when doubt creeps in. Even when you feel like you’re losing.
Speak to Yourself Like a Champion
The way you talk to yourself matters. Would you call a champion a failure because of one loss? No. So why do it to yourself?
Next Time You See a Confident Person, Remember This…
There is so much more behind that confident person than you realize. Confidence isn’t something they were born with - it’s something they built.
Next time you see someone who seems fearless and strong, know that it probably didn’t come easy. There were times they wanted to give up. Times they had to start over. Times when they felt like everything was falling apart. But they didn’t quit. They kept going. They believed that if they just tried one more time, they might make it.
And maybe - just maybe - they failed this morning. But here they are, showing up anyway.
Final Thoughts: You Are Always Worthy
Confidence isn’t about never losing. It’s about knowing that even when you do, you’re still enough. You’re still capable. You’re still worthy. Because confidence isn’t about proving yourself - it’s about believing in yourself, no matter what.
If you ever find yourself on your knees, praying for strength, just remember - God’s already given it to you. You just have to stand up and use it.
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